boys really are stupid....

As i lay in bed last night, i was thinking about how much i've been through and how much i've accomplished in so little time. I've learned to speak, walk, run, swim, ride a bike, eat without spilling, learned the alphabet, how to write, how to read (in multiple languages). Most importantly i learned to love. But this has come to a disadvantage at times. Especially concerning boys in my teen years. I always end up loving the boy more then he loves me. Why do i fall for these types of boys (the ones that don't deserve me)? I'm still trying to figure that out. But there was one that hurt the most.
I fell for him out of no where. He was in my best friend's band and we instantly bonded. We would talk for days and days, hours at a time. He's the only person i've managed to have a 7 hour conversation with on the phone. The only problem was: he had a girlfriend. At one point, he claimed he broke up with her to be with me. He cheated continuously. He then got back with his supposed ex to then cheat on her with me. It was a complete mess to the point where he ended up being the one to never talk to me again; not the other way around.
Anyways, point is: he completely messed me up! Now, i have no idea whether i like a boy. I never used to do random hook ups and if i did, i would be just a kiss, nothing more. Now, i get with guys, i don't know if i like them and i fool around. I hate being like this!
I want to go back to the way i was. I want to like guys and get jealous when they're with other girls. I want to love and be loved. I want to find a better guy.
I'm so fucked...

as i walked home...

Fact: I know someone who plans to get his GED, go to a community college and support himself by selling drugs.
Fact: He's happy doing that
Fact: He has it all planned out and has already a roommate who he will be living with along with a place to stay
Fact: I can relate this to gay rights
Fact: He's happy, gay people are happy. Should we interfere with their happiness? No.
Fact: Would you like having people tell you what to do?
Craziness: Gay people want to kill us all
Fact: Why should we make decisions for people we don't know? Shouldn't we just let people live the way they want to live and let them be happy?
Fact: If homosexuals can't get married then neither should heterosexuals. Why? Most end in divorces anyway.

in the beginning...

God created man blablabla
Why do we feel the need to follow something we really know nothing about? Were any of us alive when these scriptures were written? I'm not trying to put people down. I merely ask questions.
I decided to write a blog to help me clear my mind. Of course I have friends and family to help me with that. But honestly, it's hard to explain what exactly is going through my mind, how I feel at certain moments, why something is a certain way. Everyone goes out into this crazy place we call home and experiences it differently then the person standing right next to them.Hopefully a blog will help me explain to myself what goes on in my mind. Truthfully, I have absolutely no idea.
So, I have resorted to writing a blog. Sometimes I'll just write whatever is on my mind at the moment, like I'm doing now. Other times I might fill the blank pages with poetry. Whether or not it will be read by people, I don't care.
I just want to be able to read myself.