As i lay in bed last night, i was thinking about how much i've been through and how much i've accomplished in so little time. I've learned to speak, walk, run, swim, ride a bike, eat without spilling, learned the alphabet, how to write, how to read (in multiple languages). Most importantly i learned to love. But this has come to a disadvantage at times. Especially concerning boys in my teen years. I always end up loving the boy more then he loves me. Why do i fall for these types of boys (the ones that don't deserve me)? I'm still trying to figure that out. But there was one that hurt the most.
I fell for him out of no where. He was in my best friend's band and we instantly bonded. We would talk for days and days, hours at a time. He's the only person i've managed to have a 7 hour conversation with on the phone. The only problem was: he had a girlfriend. At one point, he claimed he broke up with her to be with me. He cheated continuously. He then got back with his supposed ex to then cheat on her with me. It was a complete mess to the point where he ended up being the one to never talk to me again; not the other way around.
Anyways, point is: he completely messed me up! Now, i have no idea whether i like a boy. I never used to do random hook ups and if i did, i would be just a kiss, nothing more. Now, i get with guys, i don't know if i like them and i fool around. I hate being like this!
I want to go back to the way i was. I want to like guys and get jealous when they're with other girls. I want to love and be loved. I want to find a better guy.
I'm so fucked...
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